This week on Myopia Movies, we’re celebrating a milestone—500 episodes! To honor the journey, we’re going back to a movie that came out just as we were starting and talking about the Turtles. This time, though, we are covering the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, produced by Michael Bay, which came out while we were starting. It’s awful, it’s outrageous, and surprisingly adult for what was a kids’ movie. So, for this special episode, we’re doing something different: a syncable commentary, just like on the old CineProv Patreon. We will count off the film and tell you when to hit play. Whether you’re watching along (it was on Amazon Prime when we recorded) or just listening, we’re here to have fun, make jokes, and share in the absurdity. Thank you for supporting us through 500 episodes—we appreciate you!

How will Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) hold up? 

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Daniel, Matthew, and Keiko

Happy Valentines Day! That means cheesy rom-coms! This week on Myopia Movies, we learn the danger of print media! We watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or How to Troll Your Partner. We will talk horrible SOs, ruining basketball, and naming your penis! 

Welcome to Myopia Movies, where we rewatch the films of our youth to see if they stand the test of time—or if nostalgia was lying to us! This week, we’re diving into 1989’s Look Who’s Talking, the baby-powered comedy that made us all wonder what our infants were really thinking. With John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Bruce Willis as the voice of a wisecracking newborn, this movie was a box office hit—but does it still charm in 2024, or is it just baby babble? Strap in your car seats, folks—we’re about to find out!

Welcome to Myopia Movies, the podcast where we revisit the films of our youth to see if they hold up under the lens of nostalgia—or crumble under the weight of time! This week, we’re plunging headfirst into the campy chaos of 1984’s Ice Pirates. With space herpes, robot pirates, and a desert-dry water crisis, this sci-fi comedy is equal parts swashbuckling adventure and ‘80s absurdity. But does it still have treasure hidden beneath its dated special effects, or has it been lost in the black hole of bad cinema? Strap in, mateys, and let’s find out!

Welcome back to Myopia Movies the show where we boldly go—wait, wrong franchise—where we dive headfirst into the galaxy far, far away! And today, we’re talking about Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back, the movie that taught us three very important lessons:

1) Always check if someone’s your dad before you start a fight,

2) Tauntauns may smell bad, but they’re lifesavers, and

3) Never kiss your sibling—even if you don’t know they’re your sibling.

That’s right! We’re breaking down the movie where the good guys lose, the bad guys win, and we’re left screaming, ‘LUKE, DON’T DO IT!’ louder than Darth Vader in a parenting seminar. So grab your lightsabers, bundle up for Hoth, and let’s jump into the movie that made us all question our family trees and our ability to trust small green swamp creatures!”

This week, in honor of the cold movie month, we hit the slope with James Bond as we dust off the archives and talk For Your Eyes Only! Roger Moore beds a figure skater….classy!

How will For Your Eyes Only hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Matt, Daniel, Jon

This week on our Cold Movie Month, we climb K2, because it was the style at the time. We watched Vertical Limit! Remember when Chris O’Donnell opened blockbusters? Also, stupid movie, but makes you miss Bill Paxton.

How will Vertical Limit hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Nur and Matthew

This week we learn the importance of allowing writers to have alcohol. We watched The Shining, today the line would be “Jimmy Fallon!”

We are starting a month of cold movies.

How will The Shining hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Matthew and Nur

This week on Myopia Movies, we revisit the best version of Robin Hood since Erroll Flynn, you heard me Crowe, Costner, and Edgerton. Elwes, you’re cool. We watched Robin Hood (1973), the originination point for Gen X and Millenial furries. 

How will Robin Hood (1973) hold up?

Host: Nic (but much younger sounding). 

This week on Myopia Movies, we fall in love again…with Gaston. We watched Beauty and the Beast, a podcast old as time, set in Disney-cember, and wish that the beast turned back (I think this is what Shrek’s ending is about.)

How will Beauty and the Beast hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Candace, Keiko, Matthew, Alex.