How will DOOM hold up?

Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko

Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak
Starring: Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, DeObia Oparei, Ben Daniels

Enjoy this early Christmas Present! This week on Myopia Movies, someone needs to save Christmas and we know just the corporate spokesman, know-what-I-mean? We watched Ernest Saves Christmas, Animal Control and Air Traffic Control in the same film?!?!?! Vern…

How will Ernest Saves Christmas hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Lauren and Jeremy

This week on Myopia Movies, we watched the classic story where an outsider falls in love with an indigenous person and tries to protect them and their land. Ok, not Pocahontas, no, not Ferngully. Ok, not original, but valuable property that somehow earned itself a land in Disney World and now has four sequels coming out, including one this weekend. We watched Avatar, where large cat people have intercourse with trees via their ponytail. Well done, Jim Cameron. Well done.

How will Avatar hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko

Directed by: James Cameron

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch an entire town kick around a illiterate little person for 75 minutes. We watched Eight Crazy Nights, we tried to keep it festive, but Adam Sandler giving a TBI to the protagonist after the musical number about how great the mall is, was the best we could do. Happy Hanukah!

How will Eight Crazy Nights hold up?

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a millennial Christmas Classic, Jingle All The Way! Bathe in the 1990s nostalgia as we visit trampling people for toys, malls, and toy stores. Also, Phil Hartman’s masterclass on seducing a woman away from Arnold. 

How will Jingle All The Way hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Nur, Candice, Matthew, and Jeremy

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn how the world became entranced with Henry Cavill and started to fall out with Zack Snyder. We watched Man of Steel home to the world’s most vindictive Pa Kent and the one where Superman kills thousands in his final fight.

Happy Thanksgiving from us at Myopia and safe shopping and travels today!

How will Man of Steel hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Nur, Alex

First, take a beloved musical from the 1930s and let it age on a shelf for forty-plus years.

Second, strip out all the songs.

Third, turn it into a waking nightmare.

This week on Myopia Movies, we dove into Return to Oz! Isn’t it delightful when Creepy Kids Month syncs perfectly with a blockbuster release like Wicked: For Good? Though honestly…this movie might be memorable for entirely different reasons. Not good ones—just…reasons.

How will Return to Oz hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Charlie, Alex, Keiko

Directed by: Walter Murch

“Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You’re just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks” – Nic

This week, Myopia Movies continue Creepy Kid Movie Month with The Ring — the iconic, blue-green, early-2000s mood piece that taught us two essential truths: never trust a VHS tape without a label, and if a horse looks at you funny on a ferry… just walk away.

We dive into Gore Verbinski’s eerie remake, the very specific shade of Pacific Northwest Depression Filter™, Naomi Watts’ crusade against cursed media, and the seven-day slow decline of a family held together mostly by caffeine and denial. Along the way, the panel examines horse suicides, VHS nostalgia, Pacific Northwest lighthouses, creepy kids named Aiden, and the logistics of a ghost girl committing long-distance murder through a Zenith television.

Support Myopia Movies in a New Way!

We’ve launched an Amazon Wish List filled with movies we want to riff—but here’s the twist: the titles are anonymous. You won’t know which Myopia host picked them!

Buy one, and we’ll:
Record an episode on the movie and you tell us anything you want to plug!
We will record a special Myopia Riff of the movie just for you and mail you a copy with the optional riff audio.
Sign the case

This week we learn who is creepier, Macaulay Culkin who murdered one and a half siblings or Elijah Wood who is convinced that his mom is reincarnated into his aunt. We watched The Good Son. Ok, so the corpse highway car accident might be the greatest thing put to film and my favorite sentence I have gotten to write. 

How will the Good Son hold up?

This week on Myopia Movies, we seamlessly transition from Horror into our next month based around creepy kids. We watched The Omen (1976), the movie that forever made the name Damien creepy. 

How will The Omen (1976) hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Matthew, Nur