“Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You’re just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks” – Nic

This week, Myopia Movies continue Creepy Kid Movie Month with The Ring — the iconic, blue-green, early-2000s mood piece that taught us two essential truths: never trust a VHS tape without a label, and if a horse looks at you funny on a ferry… just walk away.

We dive into Gore Verbinski’s eerie remake, the very specific shade of Pacific Northwest Depression Filter™, Naomi Watts’ crusade against cursed media, and the seven-day slow decline of a family held together mostly by caffeine and denial. Along the way, the panel examines horse suicides, VHS nostalgia, Pacific Northwest lighthouses, creepy kids named Aiden, and the logistics of a ghost girl committing long-distance murder through a Zenith television.

Support Myopia Movies in a New Way!

We’ve launched an Amazon Wish List filled with movies we want to riff—but here’s the twist: the titles are anonymous. You won’t know which Myopia host picked them!

Buy one, and we’ll:
Record an episode on the movie and you tell us anything you want to plug!
We will record a special Myopia Riff of the movie just for you and mail you a copy with the optional riff audio.
Sign the case

This week we learn who is creepier, Macaulay Culkin who murdered one and a half siblings or Elijah Wood who is convinced that his mom is reincarnated into his aunt. We watched The Good Son. Ok, so the corpse highway car accident might be the greatest thing put to film and my favorite sentence I have gotten to write. 

How will the Good Son hold up?

This week on Myopia Movies, we seamlessly transition from Horror into our next month based around creepy kids. We watched The Omen (1976), the movie that forever made the name Damien creepy. 

How will The Omen (1976) hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Matthew, Nur

What happens when you do reshoots on 9/11, cast a character so embarrassed by her role she’s mistaken for a porn star, and give Tony Shalhoub a dramatic lead after turning a comedy into a thriller? You get this beautiful mess. This week on Myopia Movies, we watched Thir13en Ghosts (2001) — because apparently, hiring Matthew Lillard to fight ghosts without Scooby-Doo was the real horror.

How will Thir13en Ghosts (2001) hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Charlie, Matthew

This week on Myopia Movies, we return to King Country and deal with rabies, domestic violence, and the used car market. We watched Cujo (1983), a reminder to why you never sleep with the handyman. 

How will Cujo (1983) hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Nur

The is week on Myopia Movies, we went to the Jason Voorhees-esque horror movie that started it all, we watched The Terminator. Are you Sarah Connor? 

How will The Terminator hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Matt, Keiko. 

Directed by James Cameron

This week on Myopia Movies, we celebrate Atlanta Pride with The Birdcage! Welcome back to the show to the hairiest man that Hollywood could contain, with an added mustache! Who was the better man in drag, Nathan Lane or Robin Williams? 

How does The Birdcage hold up?

Host: Nic Hoffmann

This week on Myopia Movies, we couldn’t wait any longer so we are starting our Horror Month a week early…and it may even stay on a bit longer! We watched Freddy vs Jason, to borrow a slogan from the Alien vs Predator movies as a review, “who ever wins, we, the audience, loses.”

How will Freddy vs Jason hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Nur

The week on Myopia Movies, we fight the IRA. Represented by and speaking in Celtic by Tommy Lee Jones. We watched Blown Away! Who can stop them? Only Jeff Bridges (the Dude) and the President (his dad Lloyd Bridges). You may be asking yourself, who explodes? So many people!

How will Blown Away hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Keiko

This week on Myopia Movies we study abroad! By that I mean we eat weird food, learn another language, and begrudgingly befriend our host family. We watched Enemy Mine, a big budget Star Trek episode starring Dennis Quaid. 

How will Enemy Mine hold up?

Host: Nic